About a year ago I posted a reel on Instagram about some things I had come to realize about my experience with the grief of my husband dying and these 4 things are still true today.
- Grief is physically exhausting. In general it’s exhausting but I remember being shocked at how I would physically respond. I still experience grief fatigue even as I approach the 2 year anniversary but fortunately it’s not as frequent as it was.
- I feel conflicting emotions or many emotions at the same time. This still happens. I still feel sad but also joy. I feel disappointment for things that Chaz has missed while at the same time feeling gratitude for every memory I have with him. The biggest confliction is missing him and loving someone else with my whole heart.
- Talking about Chaz doesn’t make me more sad. I remember him daily and it makes me so happy when others share with me their memories of Chaz or give me the opportunity to talk about him.
- I’m not moving on. I’m moving forward. My grief will never leave me. Still very true today. It’s true as I move forward in a relationship. Grief is an expression of love. I will always love Chaz and I will always carry the grief with me. My grief will shift and change as time continues and I live my life. But it will never not be a part of me. That’s moving forward.
